The Past is Filled With Pain...

...which is why we must move forward.

Sometimes the wrong choices can bring us to the right places. I would never have believed this a few years ago when I was in the roughest spot in my life. At that time I actually said to myself “I will never be whole again.” I thought “if this is what love feels like, I don’t want it ever again.”

I would like to share a story of how God worked in my life, and more specifically how he pulled me out of the darkness. I only ever dated one guy in my life and that was 5 years ago. Basically, our bond became inseparable (note: other than by God himself who set me free).

We dated for almost one year. We went from talking about marriage to not talking at all and I am thankful that God revealed the truth to me in such an incredible way or else I would have sunk even deeper in the darkness that I was in. The guy I dated meant the world to me and was everything I ever wanted.

One evening I was sitting beside him after not seeing him for a whole weekend. Like most weekends, he wanted to hang out with friends who lived an hour away (in his home town). I won’t even get into details about how awful I felt every weekend that he went away but I didn’t exactly understand why I was feeling that way. He’d tell me about his weekends and for the most part I believed him (what other choice did I have?)

Until that one evening when he came back, I greeted him warmly and we both sat down. God spoke to me that night and there was a voice in my head that urged me to ask, out of nowhere: “Can I see your phone?”

He had no idea where this was coming and neither did I. He thought he had deleted everything he didn’t want me to see. God revealed to me that evening a text message on his phone that was according to God’s plan not to get erased. When I read the message, my heart sank and my hands started sweating. I had proof in my hands that his weekend getaway was not what he said it was. The weekend getaway was to spend the night with a couple girls. I was completely devastated. Especially when he said he thought he deleted the message. I got up, and with so much hurt and anger in my voice, I spoke the words that had to be spoken and left the building.

I am telling you that night, I got into my car and with eyes filled with tears I tried my best to drive home. But I was shaking and couldn’t drive so I pulled into an empty parking lot and cried and cried. And from that night onward, I never spoke to him again. For the first two years after that, I was constantly hurting and felt so broken. I became a cold-hearted person, despised men, and had so much anger towards everyone. Those first two years I wrote all my thoughts in a journal and did that almost every day as a way of coping.

After those two painful years, I started changing my way of thinking - actually God changed my way of thinking. Instead of seeing myself as someone who will never be able to love again or have feelings for another guy ever again, I started looking at it as a waiting and healing process until the RIGHT person comes along. And it’s definitely not a short waiting process but I can definitely say that there is a reason I went through all of that. I found myself. God showed me He loves me. I made a 360 degree turn and when I got off the antidepressants and focused on things that praised God, I slowly began seeing huge changes in my life - both spiritual and material.

Even though I knew God was the one who revealed the whole truth about the guy I was dating, I was still angry with God for letting the entire relationship happen. It took me a couple years to realize why all of this had to happen. In another blog post I would like to share more in depth about how my life changed for the better over these years after the breakup so it can be an encouragement to all of you.

I share this story to inspire and uplift young women who have suffered from heartbreak, and to pass on the message that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You may not see it now, but you will be able to see how much better your life will become after God lifts that heavy weight off your shoulders. It definitely isn’t easy to forget pain and I know how devastating it is to go through something like that. But in the end you will become the best version of yourself and a much stronger person. You will be able to say "God bless the road that led me away from that man.” Thank you for reading my story.